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superxgamer
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superxgamer

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PostSubject: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeMon Jul 28, 2008 9:04 pm

Post your jokes or just anything you find funny here. But remember, Keep It Clean.
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superxgamer
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superxgamer

Male Number of posts : 321
Age : 28
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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeMon Jul 28, 2008 9:13 pm

A man was driving one day, paying no attention to the road. When he suddenly rear-ends another driver. They pull over to the side of the road. He gets out of his car and starts to chuckle because he is so nervous. When the other driver gets out his car, he sees that he is a dwarf. The dwarf walks over to him, sees him chuckling, and says "I'm not happy." The man says, "Well, then which one are you?"
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vegaschick13
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vegaschick13

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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeMon Jul 28, 2008 9:23 pm

can i say lmao here? oh well lmao! luff that one
==x==

0 to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really upset.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
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superxgamer
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superxgamer

Male Number of posts : 321
Age : 28
Location : Illinois
Neopets : stop_the_madness
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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeMon Jul 28, 2008 9:27 pm

haha good one.
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superxgamer
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superxgamer

Male Number of posts : 321
Age : 28
Location : Illinois
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Registration date : 2008-07-14

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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeTue Jul 29, 2008 9:08 pm

A man goes to the doctor and starts poking his chest. He says "Doc, it hurts every time I do this."

The Doctor says "ok, we will have to run some tests."


So they test the man in every way. He comes back 2 days later and says "Doctor it still hurts every time I poke my chest."

The Doctor says "We ran every test possible and we couldn't find anything wrong. Can you tell me about when it started hurting?"

The man says "Well, ever since I slammed my finger in my car door, it has been hurting me."
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vegaschick13
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vegaschick13

Female Number of posts : 37
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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeTue Jul 29, 2008 10:01 pm

lmao luff that one
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superxgamer
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superxgamer

Male Number of posts : 321
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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeTue Jul 29, 2008 10:30 pm

glad to provide some laughter.
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j1010101010
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Male Number of posts : 1130
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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeWed Jul 30, 2008 10:23 am

Lol, wow. That was a great one. Laughing
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superxgamer
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superxgamer

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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeWed Jul 30, 2008 9:38 pm

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"

Again, the bartender tells him that, “no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes.” The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes and if you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your little duck beak to the bar!''

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''

Confused, the bartender says “no”!

''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?”
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Sammynnnp
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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeWed Jul 30, 2008 11:44 pm

Razz The got any grapes joke is funny tongue
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superxgamer
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superxgamer

Male Number of posts : 321
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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeThu Jul 31, 2008 12:20 am

If you guys have anything funny to say, you can post them too.
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superxgamer
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Age : 28
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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeThu Jul 31, 2008 2:49 am

No one in this town could catch any fish except one man. The game warden asked him how he did it so the man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day ...

Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion, fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish.

The game warden told him that this was illegal.

The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said "Are you going to fish or talk?"

I really like this one because I fish too. Very Happy
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j1010101010
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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeThu Jul 31, 2008 9:24 am

I love the duck one! lol!
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superxgamer
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superxgamer

Male Number of posts : 321
Age : 28
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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeSat Aug 02, 2008 2:29 pm

A man once heard of a Indian who had the best memory on earth so the man asked the Indian, "what he had for breakfast one year ago the Indian?" The Indian replied, "eggs!"

The man then said how on earth would you know that? That was a guess So he went away very angrily.

A year later he came back and saw the Indian at the airport walked up and greeted him by saying HOW, the Indian Said "Scrambled".



100th Post. Very Happy
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j1010101010
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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeSat Aug 02, 2008 5:20 pm

Lol, good one. Also congrats on your 100th post! Or should I say 101?
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superxgamer
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superxgamer

Male Number of posts : 321
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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeSat Aug 02, 2008 6:11 pm

it was 100...it just keeps track.
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vegaschick13
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vegaschick13

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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeSun Aug 03, 2008 11:10 pm

The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
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vegaschick13
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vegaschick13

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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeSun Aug 03, 2008 11:40 pm

The Frog Won't Be Your Beast of Burden

A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?''
The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''

''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''

The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?''

The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.''

''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Mick Jagger?''

''Yeah, he's my dad.''

''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?''

The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?''

The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.''

''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.''

The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.''

The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''
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vegaschick13
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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeSun Aug 03, 2008 11:41 pm

Redneck Wins the Lottery

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.
The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."

To which the man replied, "No sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.

The Redneck said, "I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it."

Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!''
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sweet_apple14
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sweet_apple14

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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeSun Aug 03, 2008 11:47 pm

superxgamer wrote:
No one in this town could catch any fish except one man. The game warden asked him how he did it so the man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day ...

Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion, fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish.

The game warden told him that this was illegal.

The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said "Are you going to fish or talk?"


I heard this one (with slight variations) from a priest, and it is still funny.
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vegaschick13
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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeSun Aug 03, 2008 11:48 pm

50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, dang it, all of you just shut UP!"
4. Whistle the first seven notes of ''It''s a Small World'' incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, crash from side to side as if you''re on rough seas.
7. Shave. (Especially if you''re a woman.)
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask: "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you, "Admiral".
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I''ve got new socks on!"
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now. Darn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious literature to each passenger.
20. Meow occasionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing, "Mary Had a Little Lamb," while continually pushing buttons.
25. Holler, "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You''re one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, and then say "Mmmm...tasty!"
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a puppet on your hand and make it talk to the other passengers.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
34. Play the harmonica.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say, "I wonder what all these do," and push the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space".
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it''s getting larger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, "Bad touch!"
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littlehermy
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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeTue Aug 19, 2008 8:30 pm

Ha ha ha... Laughing I think this is my favorite one.

Quote :
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
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PostSubject: Re: The Daily HAHA   The Daily HAHA Icon_minitimeTue Aug 19, 2008 11:16 pm

Hm...I know we aren't really making a list but another idea:
start at the top foor, and make sure the elevator is there when you leave; then run down the flight of stairs to the next floor, and once you get to the next floor; hit the elevator down button. then run down the stairs again, and hit the down button again, and so on, till you reach ground level
quite annoying xD

not that that makes any sense....
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